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SEAN CARLESS
KING OF INTERNETS
Canada
269 Posts |
 Posted - 04/12/2009 : 03:30:33
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There, I said it. And never again will I hide behind the assumption that I am purchasing a huge block of chocolate—in this case, fashioned into the shape of one of the teen’s heads from High School Musical—for a nonexistent child, if only to spare myself the indignity and embarrassment that enjoying an entire hollow block of cocoa Vanessa Hudgens would cause due to my advanced age. NEVER AGAIN, I TELL YOU. WHILE YELLING FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT.
An example: I brought a huge hollow Easter egg and said bust of chocolate to the Zellers counter for purchase earlier today, and the young lass working the checkout soon began to flirt with me—due to my combined charm and deceptive handsomeness—eventually culminating in her curiously inquiring as to why I was doing my Easter shopping for my children at the last minute. I of course then answered without a shred of reservation that I had no children, occasionally hunted them for sport, and that this entire bounty was for me—and me alone; and that perhaps I would also hide it first, because that’d be like the awesomest shit ever. Only communists know exactly where their chocolate is.
Now, this revelation did not register the reaction I was expecting of “Yes! I think that’s great! Fuck the children. They get too much as it is. Enjoy your chocolate you sexy stud, and maybe save enough to melt down into a warm liquid paste in which you can devour from my naked heaving body.”I may be paraphrasing here. But the feeling of shame was one I did not enjoy. I felt horrible. Her reaction of instant disgust and ultimate judgment ruined my day. Almost to the point where I was unable to repeatedly masturbate to her.
I guess what I am saying is, why can’t a grown man eat the entire head of a teenage idol and not be vilified and judged for it? Is that wrong? Am I not supposed to do that? I cannot be alone. There has to be some people out there, who like me, buy themselves a plethora of children’s Easter treatery, in which they then disgustingly consume with zero guilt. I refuse to believe that there is no one else out there like me. Great people. People who refuse to concede childhood carelessness, greed and gluttony for being “responsible”, “mature” and “not wedging their entire 200 pound full-grown frame into the Mayor McCheese metallic endoskeleton in the Mickie D’s play-land, just because they can.”
So, ADMIT IT. JOIN ME. Admit your adult love of childish chocolate treats and vindicate my existence. Kind of.
Thank you.
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quote:
Originally posted by AndarielHalo:
By the transitive fallacy totally legit and real truth, that would mean that if Sean Carless defeated Vince McMahon, and Vince McMahon defeated the United States Federal Government... then Sean Carless defeated the United States Federal Government.
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duel
The Awesome
Australia
426 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2009 : 08:32:24
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Instead of saying it was for you, you should have said you were teaching the neighborhood children the joy of cannibalisticly feasting on the heads of teenage idols.
You're not alone. I'll probably destroy the innards of a bag of small Mars Easter Eggs tomorrow. Maybe two bags, then watch my teeth fall out and think to myself "Was it worth it? Hell yeah it was." |
http://repercussionsofevil.ytmnd.com/
quote:
Doom: Repercussions of Evil
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
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AndarielHalo
Total Nonstop AndarielHalo
South Sandwich Islands
1096 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2009 : 11:53:46
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| I don't eat. I feast on the blood of the innocent. Though since "innocence" is a subjective term, it pretty much means "anyone" and "anything". Also milkshakes. So my breakfast is a tall glass of pig's menstrual blood, followed by a tall glass of milkshake. |
My thoughts exactly. |
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SEAN CARLESS
KING OF INTERNETS
Canada
269 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2009 : 14:58:06
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quote:
Originally posted by AndarielHalo
I don't eat. I feast on the blood of the innocent. Though since "innocence" is a subjective term, it pretty much means "anyone" and "anything". Also milkshakes. So my breakfast is a tall glass of pig's menstrual blood, followed by a tall glass of milkshake.
So, are we going to have sex or what? |
quote:
Originally posted by AndarielHalo:
By the transitive fallacy totally legit and real truth, that would mean that if Sean Carless defeated Vince McMahon, and Vince McMahon defeated the United States Federal Government... then Sean Carless defeated the United States Federal Government.
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Esben Evans
Senior WCW Correspondent
Denmark
199 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2009 : 15:03:23
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| I ate a chocolate bunny myself...starting by eating the head and then re-applying the bowtie it had on...it was macabre, and awesome! |
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NeilMcGilloway
TWF's Mike Rowe
USA
315 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2009 : 15:15:53
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I'm currently working over a basket that's sitting on my mantle. Though I don't get the deal with those milk-dud like eggs. They taste like rancid ass.
Jellybeans, peanut butter eggs, and cadburys though? Bring them on! |
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shemmy86
TOLERATED EXISTENCE
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2009 : 17:06:48
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| HALF OFF EASTER BUNNIES TODAY COMBINED WITH NACHOS AND SALSA. IT WILL BE A DIVERSELY COLORED DIARHEA SPLASH TONIGHT. |
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I AM A GROWN MAN WHO LOVES HIS CHOCOLATE ANIMALS
