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Zombie Jesus
Master of Superdickery
Canada
27 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 23:09:33
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| just remember what happened the last time they tried to kill off vinnie mac.. |
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Heliski
NOOB
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 23:13:35
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Ugh. Please make this not be the "ghost of Benoit".
That ending was horribly stupid. Like REAL, real, unnecessarily dumb. That's all I can say right now.
Sometimes I wonder if there is any way of ever coming back from awful shit like this. |
Edited by - Heliski on 06/24/2008 00:02:08 |
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buzzsaw89
NOOB
Australia
6 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 23:13:44
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| I think we all know that getting drafted to ECW is career suicide :) |
What do you call Chris Benoit in hell?
Canadian Bacon |
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kidego
WCW Historian
New Zealand
136 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2008 : 23:36:53
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if they want Vince off tv (like everyone else in the world) why not just draft him to ECW??? Save us the crapfest of these 'accidents'
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Lacey can do magic tricks. She's good; she's like that Curt Hennig! |
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chegue316
PLEB
65 Posts |
 Posted - 06/23/2008 : 23:43:19
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quote:
Originally posted by buzzsaw89
I think we all know that getting drafted to ECW is career assasination :)
Fixed..... -I guess...- |
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formerly_hbk3069823067892
deleted
-9000 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 00:34:35
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| Im thinking the next tradgey will be at the hands of JR he was pissed. Oh and all of this is bringing back repressed memories of the last Vince death story that led to his bastered son story, this is just a cycle isnt it. |
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SEAN CARLESS
KING OF INTERNETS
Canada
269 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 02:05:58
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SEAN'S DRUNKEN RAW THOUGHTS: EP. 3: REVENGE OF THE SHIT
Close the window, there's draft in here~!
-HHH vs. Mark Henry: You know what I'd have marked out for? If HHH said to Henry "Haha, remember when you got head from a woman who turned out to be a man?" and then Mark would be all like "Remember when you dated one for 4 years?". Hilarity would then ensue.
-Mizark might be the only guy I know who can sweat clean through spandex.
- Gotta love JR hyperbole. Mark Henry: THE STRONGEST MAN WALKING THE FACE OF THE EARTH...WHEN YOU DISCOUNT 13 OTHER DUDES IN ATLANTA IN 1996.
-And the first draft pick is...REY MYSTERIO~! ...and HHH claps. While likely thinking how much easier it'll be to dig a hole to bury him in because it'll only be 3 feet long and a foot deep.
HHH: "Welcome to RAW, Rey! Hey, say, have I ever pinned you before?"
Rey: "Not that I can remember. I did eliminate you from the Rumble in 2006, though."
HHH: "Great. So I have to pin you AND throw you out of a Battle Royal now? Jesus".
Rey: "Wait. What?"
HHH: "Umm, Nothing."
-Vince gives away money with the help of Kelly Kelly. He'd have used Ashley, but she keeps taking her pants off and bending over whenever she's around a stack of cash. Old habits die hard I guess. Anyway, Kelly has a great body, sure, but I just can't get past those teeth. I always have the urge to offer her a carrot. Only one that looks exactly like my penis. All I know is, it must be a real battle backstage between Bob Holly & her to see who uses the Janitor's push-broom to brush their teeth first.
- Hey! Regardless of what happens tonight, this Sunday's matches you don't care about won't be affected! So, no worries. You'll still be able to be totally apathetic about the product for at least one more show.
-Smackdown earns the right to the next draft pick when Unrealistic Racial Stereotype tandem Finlay & Hornswoggle beat umm, Unrealistic Racial Stereotype tandem Carlito & Santino Marella when Horny pins Santino with a "tadpole splash"...which ironically enough is also the pet-name for having Johnny Ace blow his load in your face in exchange for a Puny human female contract. True story.
...And Smackdown gets...JEFF HARDY. Oh no. Jeff Hardy AND Kane on the same touring schedule? This can't end well. That's all Jeff needs is to be around a dude with the ability to start random fires. "Shit, dude! I just rebuilt this place!"
- Hey look, one lucky fan got Jeff Hardy's giant snot-rag tossed to them. That's nice.
- Randy Orton is here to apparently help Vince throw away more money. And here I thought his last WWE title reign did that just fine! Ahem.
- CORY ( as called by ADAMLE~!) Rhodes & Bob Holly vs. Chavo & Bam Neely! YES! A Main Event nowhere in the country! Am I the only one who says every time they see Neely "Ok, where's your fucking mustache?". I can't be. That shit is just awkward. I mean, no one takes a fucking picture of Abe Lincoln to the barbers and goes "Make me look like this". Oh, and someone really needs to tell this guy what happened to the last two guys with "Bam" in their name in this business. Trust me. It can only end badly.
- I can relate to Ted DiBiase. I too am priceless. But mostly because no one wants to pay for me and I'm worthless.
-Chavo and The Fence lose. I love the irony of a Mexican hanging with a guy called the fence. If this guy was *really* that good at blocking people, Chavo would still be in Tijuana with his luggage in tow. Oh ya, Chavo gets Alabama Slammed. Or Slammed as it's known in Alabama. It's all they know. Mostly because reading baffles them.
...and RAW gets the next draft pick... CM PUNK~! And look, he's got his little suitcase with him. Which I'm convinced, based on the man's disheveled appearance, contains one dirty change of clothes, a pair of underwear made from old newspapers, and a bunch of tin cans. Tell me I'm wrong.
- Chris Jericho comes out to HBK's hometown crowd and says that HBK will turn on EVERY one of them eventually. Huh. I wouldn't hold your breath hayseeds, waiting your turn to have Michaels show up at your house and toss you through something glass. Jericho then introduces the only man he can depend on...HBK's prized pupil--as the sad Hulk music starts playing somewhere for Bryan Danielson, Paul London & Brian Kendrick-- Lance Cade! Jericho is the only man he can trust apparently. And if respective haircuts have anything to say about it-- love.
-This brings out HBK, who is sadly not sporting an eye patch (aye patch?). Too bad. Because I agreed whole-heartedly with him becoming a pirate and being labeled as the Hearrrrrrrrgggggghtbreak Kid. I'd say that he get a rickety wooden leg, too ,and hobble around, but hey, he already kicked Nash in the face once, now he's going to steal how he wrestles, too? That's right. HBK is ANGRY, and tosses his little straw swamp-hat down and means business. Is he even a sex symbol anymore to anyone? You know, besides the guys who pulled Ned Beatty out of the canoe?
-HBK then rushes to the ring and attacks Jericho, who tosses him eye first into the announce table. I guess Y2J is more of an Old Testament man. What can I say. HBK then cries. Man, and he's not even forfeiting a title! What a professional. Oh, for the record, in High Definition you can actually see HBK's smile fly into the crowd. My TV's awesome like that.
-Is it wrong that my first instinct was to pretend I was 12 and had cancer so I could ride the Tea-Cups with Mickie James?
- The Hardy Men vs. Miz & Morrison. This was supposed to originally be Hawkins & Ryder vs. Miz & Morrison, but even evil Vickie isn't that cruel. For the record, I am aghast at the combined pants of Matt and Morrison, though. Anybody who's ever taken Acid must have instantly been transported to a very terrifying plain of existence whilst looking at them.
-Morrison pins Matt with a roll-up + amoeba pants. ECW gets the draft. And they get... MATT HARDY. Man. I'm just glad to hear Matt doesn't have a wife and child. We all know how well this same scenario worked out the last time.
- More money given away. And who better to help drop large loads of cash nonsensically then Ric Flair? Anyone? In fact, I kept expecting Beth Flair to repel from the ceiling Mission Impossible-style and make off with 50% of the case had Flair even attempted to touch any. So, ya, a truly great use of Ric Flair here. THE MEMORIES. LEAVE THEM ALONE.
Natalya & Victoria vs. Mickie James & Melina. First off, I have to laugh at how the moment you start fighting someone unpopular in wrestling, all the bridges you burn by being evil are instantly forgotten and forgiven. As was evident by the touching girl-power high-five backstage between Melina and Mickie. And secondly; I love that Natalya and Victoria are kind of like a female version of the Hart Foundation. (Hearts that pump blood to one specific area). Maybe as a tribute, we can talk Victoria into giving something away ala Bret to ringside fans? Her bra? Please?
This match goes to a no-contest because Melina twists her ankle when Victoria--WWE's perpetual Diva injurer-- tosses her off the top to the arena floor. Cue the Friday the 13th dude. "You don't want to wrestle Victoria! She has a Death Curse!"
This shmazz ends up allowing a double announcer draft. JR to Smackdown, and Michael Cole's big bloated, water-retaining face to RAW. If you listen carefully, you can actually hear JR say "Couldn't you just pretend to pull Stone Cold's head out of my ass again?". Maybe.
- Vince McMahon and GREAT KHALI~! come out to give away more money. Vince puts over Khali in "Get Smart". Speaking of which, with Cole now on RAW, any chance of Vince incorporating the CONE OF SILENCE into Cole's act? Trust me, we'll be begging for it soon enough. And Thank God Al Snow was never really commentated by Cole. Can you imagine:
Cole: "Here comes Al Snow & Skull!"
Tazz: " You mean, Head"
Cole: "That's what I said. Skull."
Trust me. It would not have been pretty.
-Vince then completes the phone blunder hat-trick and fucks up the dialing AGAIN. No wonder this dude never heard of Scarface or Pirates of the Caribbean. He's still trying to solve the fucking Rosetta Stone that is dialing SEVEN NUMBERS IN SEQUENCE. I can only imagine him with a fucking DVD player:
Vince: "HAHAHA! IT'S OPENING AND CLOSING! LET ME JUST PUT THIS IN..ONE, TWO, I GOT IT. NO! WHAT A MANEUVER!"
It'd happen EXACTLY like that. I promise.
Oh, and ya, Vince blames Khali for the mistake. I'd love if this was the one thing that got Khali canned. "Sure, you're dangerous, immobile, can't promo, can't appear unedited on live TV, and kinda killed a guy once, but a line has been crossed here!"
All I know is, if I was umm, Great; (Can I call you Great?) I'd have just nabbed the case and brought it back to my starving Indian village. He'd surely be known as the Greatest Khali by now. Oh, bonus points for Khali yelling gibberish at the phone. Funniest shit I've seen in months. I also want HBK to take this man under his wing, and claim that for the last two years, he's BEEN SPEAKING IN TONGUES, but we've just been to stupid to listen. I'd mark anyway.
-Edge vs. John Cena, in match #389045 of their ongoing Best of Eternity Series. And it will be eternity. Trust me. Due to the yellow sun of the earth, Cena will stop aging altogether once he hits 30. Oh ya, John Cena wins by count out, and as a result RAW gets BATISTA; who just happened to be right there interfering to EMOTE. If I didn't know better, I'd think this thing wasn't actually completely random! But then that'd open up an entire can of worms that perhaps wrestling as a whole is predetermined, and well, that'd just be absurd.
- Vince McMahon reminds Edge backstage that he'll still be facing Batista at Night of Champions because Batista enabled the Konami Cheat Code in 2005 and he's still entitled to like at least 1500 more title shots. Buy a Game Genie, Edge. It's your only way out.
-MVP vs. Tommy Dreamer's pajamas. MVP wins. Colin Delaney stands at ringside being transparent. Smackdown gets Umaga; or "the Samoan Bulldog" as called by Adamle. I had one of those once. He refused to wear the little booties my Mom made for him and would constantly stab me in the throat with his paw. We had him put down.
- JBL vs. Kofi Kingston. JAMAICAN MY ASS HURT. This sadly is one Adamle call that will be missing from the post-match showers this evening. JBL wins..and RAW gets... ECW Champion, Kane! Oh no! Imagine what ECW would be like if you stripped everything away from it that made you care about it in the first place and left you with no reason to ever watch it again! Now imagine this is July of 2006 and you're everyone else on Earth. Yup.
- Vince McMahon gives away some money and the winner happens to be in the crowd. Good luck getting home tonight in one piece, bitch.
-15 man Battle Royal for two remaining Draft slots. Edge wins by dumping out Cena and HHH. Smackdown gets Mr. Kennedy! Awesome! I've always wondered what would happen if he was on Smackdown! Oh. And the last slot; TRIPLE H~!. I wonder if this means he'll end up in TNA after the blockbuster trade for Team 3D and Booker T~! No?
-Vince then gives away the last $500,000 dollars. And then the set explodes all around him. I'd blame God in retaliation for that whole "Backlash" thing, but he's still busy checking in all the Wrestlers Vince keeps sending his way! And speaking of which, clearly in light of a certain anniversary, perhaps it's THE GHOST OF CHRIS BENOIT, who even, without a physical form, is a more credible and believable wrestler than half the roster. But then I realized, Benoit is a MASTER OF HIS CRAFT. If he wanted someone dead, damn it, he'd get the job done. Trust me. He's old-school like that. And insane. Cue Scooby and the Gang, because we got a MYSTERY on our hands~! Hell, HHH can be Shaggy. And they can bring back his dog Lucy to play Scooby. And pin Chris Jericho. Clearly, this is a riddle that'll take some real smarts and intuition to figure out. Clearly it's not as predictable as it just being his family pissed that he's giving away their inheritance. Even though that's probably the really "deep" not-foreseeable reason WWE Creative came up with, all while high-fiving each other, and standing idly by while Michael Hayes insists he is much more of a umm, Predator than Mark Henry is. I mean, obviously, when Ratings are down, who better to cart out than more McMahons?! ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH? Probably.
Show ends with debris covering Vince as Hunter tries to save the day. "YOU CAN'T DIE UNTIL YOU AMEND THIS WILL HERE". Hey, look, Vince is yelling for PAUL. And HHH is answering him!... despite his actual, legit real-life birth-name being HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY.OHMYGODSHOOT. I'd have marked out if during the cries for "Paul", Big Show appeared and said "Yes! I'm here!". But hey, that's just me. RAW fades out with Vince declaring that he can't feel his legs. Summer Slam: Vince vs. Droz. FIRST MAN STANDING. Book it.
I'm done. |
quote:
Originally posted by AndarielHalo:
By the transitive fallacy totally legit and real truth, that would mean that if Sean Carless defeated Vince McMahon, and Vince McMahon defeated the United States Federal Government... then Sean Carless defeated the United States Federal Government.
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jimroadie
Light Hardcore European Heavyweight Champion
USA
90 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 02:20:34
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quote:
Vince: "HAHAHA! IT'S OPENING AND CLOSING! LET ME JUST PUT THIS IN..ONE, TWO, I GOT IT. NO! WHAT A MANEUVER!"
I almost pissed myself laughing at that! |
"You wish you was me!"-Mizark Hen-wy May 19, 2006 |
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The Real Inferno
TWF Staff
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 02:55:52
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I have to say this is the first draft I liked. Fuck ECW. Fuck it in the ass.
Of course this pretty much guarentees a few changes/retentions at Night of Champions so the belts can get on the right shows again. I imagine Big Show picks up the ECW belt, Trips retains and Batista defeats Edge. That's just a guess.
Please tell me Vince really is paralyzed. Because damnit I want to write his new theme song.
NO CHAAANCE....NO CHANCE IN HELL, YOU'LL WALK. NO CHAAAANCE. |
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Catherine
Alpha Female and Other Such Awesomeness.
USA
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 07:53:38
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quote:
Originally posted by SEAN CARLESS
Show ends with debris covering Vince as Hunter tries to save the day. "YOU CAN'T DIE UNTIL YOU AMEND THIS WILL HERE". Hey, look, Vince is yelling for PAUL. And HHH is answering him!... despite his actual, legit real-life birth-name being HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY.OHMYGODSHOOT. I'd have marked out if during the cries for "Paul", Big Show appeared and said "Yes! I'm here!". But hey, that's just me. RAW fades out with Vince declaring that he can't feel his legs. Summer Slam: Vince vs. Droz. FIRST MAN STANDING. Book it.
Hilarious how Trips practically raced over to Vince, too. Or maybe that's just how I saw it. "I'M COMING, NEW CHAIRMAN POSITION... I MEAN VINCE~!" And it's a good thing Show didn't answer Vince's cries for Paul; I would have marked more if the cameras suddenly cut to Paul London over on the rafters, smiling real big as he discarded a giant saw.
And should Vince vs. Droz turn into a Best of Infinity Series, I'd also like to see the booking of a ladder match, with special referee Vickie Guerrero (who, I'm sure, was clutching her wheelchair as if to say "MINE~!!!" when Vince declared he couldn't feel his legs). |
Better than your favorite comic book hero.
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kidego
WCW Historian
New Zealand
136 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 15:24:18
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half an hour into the show, I bet Jeff Harvey was thinking "Sweeeet - like the other top faces before me, I should be in line for about 20 title shots on Smackdown"
would have loved to have seen the look on his face when Mr. HH got drafted to Smackdown too |
Lacey can do magic tricks. She's good; she's like that Curt Hennig! |
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NeilMcGilloway
TWF's Mike Rowe
USA
315 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2008 : 19:49:26
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CHEAP PLUG TIME~!
If you want to know what I think of all the crap that went down last night (and I KNOW you do), read my ECW report tonight. Short version: I was surprised. |
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dutch armdrag
deleted
258000000 Posts |
Posted - 06/25/2008 : 12:19:33
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well yeah NeilMcGilloway can know make the ECW added with before you know itīs here! like hes known that black Predator goin to the land of |
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RAW 23/06/08 Thread
